I keep thinking about how I've been neglecting my LJ and I feel guilty that my writing bug has left me. I can't even write stories anymore and it's starting to bother me because I have the itch to write, I just lack the inspiration of a brand-new story, or even the continuation of an old one.
I realize I haven't updated in something like seven weeks, and a lot has changed recently.
U of A is good, different. I don't know. There's so many different buildings and lectures are so different from classes in high school; the profs move so fast that I don't have time to absorb the notes I'm taking, just enough time to write down the notes themselves and move on. Chemistry is still the asshole that it was in high school, and Bio is monumentally less interesting which is not surprising considering the name of the course is Biological Diversity. Hands down most boring class ever. The labs are killing me though; three-hour monstrosities that either finish my Mondays (Chem at 2 PM) or start my Tuesdays (Bio at 8 AM), which means that in addition to the four lectures I have on MWF, Mondays are seven-hour days filled with learning and awesome. Thursdays are great though because I only have two lectures, and Fridays I only have three, but Wednesdays suck assignment-wise because my weekly Math and Chem assignments are due plus my Chem post-labs and anything I may have due for my Bio seminar. It's a lot of work, that's for sure, and every day I doubt more and more that I belong in Sciences. Arts seem so much more interesting but I feel like my quality of living will be so much lower with an Arts degree. Plus, it's only this semester that sucks because next semester I have Organic Chem and Cell Biology as opposed to bullshit Chem and evolutionary Biology. Though, next semester has English, so I don't know how well that'll go over.
I am, however, taking Swedish this semester and enjoying the throngs of hot vaguely-Swedish boys in the class. Or hot university boys in general; I enjoy them.
Living in res in a different city is... I can't settle for a single word. It's lonely, to be quite honest, because as hermit-like as I was in Calgary, in Edmonton I don't even have the option of occasionally maybe seeing one of my best friends and that's certainly a slap to the face because I miss them all so desperately. Going back for Thanksgiving was wonderful and shitty because I came back and achieved nothing all week because all the loneliness and the sadness of being 3-4 hours away just all washed over me. At the same time though it's interesting that I have all these people nearby at all times, especially since the two girls across the hall from me turned out to be pretty fantastic people. There's a few other people I'm becoming pretty good friends with, but I hate that I even have to consider finding replacements when I have a perfectly good set of friends back home.
In other news, I'm going to NYC for my eighteenth birthday and getting to see Wicked and Stark Sands in American Idiot, and I'm stupid-excited for the whole thing. I'm not so much excited that I'll be eighteen and able to go to bars and clubs and whatnot (suck it, America), but I've reached a point where, as the only underage girl on my floor, I just want my eighteenth to be over and done with. I don't know. For Christmas we're supposed to be going to LA again, like last year, and I'm stoked because, hey, it's LA and I love LA and I need to have something to look forward to. It was a recent revelation, that I'm not doing too well mentally. I am so good at pretending I'm adjusting to this life but all the things I worried about happening here in university ended up happening, and I'm... I don't know, I guess I'm far too pessimistic to say my fate is mine to adjust and then take charge of my own life. In some specific regards, I don't know how to take charge, don't know what I'm doing wrong and quiet frankly, I have nobody to talk to about them. I hate being this depressed person all over again, but I don't know how to drag myself out of it. I just end up being moody and the people who used to bother and coax me out of my little fits are several hours away.
In other other news, I think I'm done venting. I have a lot of homework to do tomorrow, so, y'know, fingers crossed.
Jesus Christ tap dancing on a cracker.
I haven't posted in over a month, and so much has happened!
The show went up (Guys and Dolls) and it was an absolute blast. I was backstage the entire time, but it was an outdoor show so it was fun to walk around with my headset and lookin' all official and whatnot. I loved being the Assistant Stage Manager, and I'm almost positive I'll be coming back next year. I miss it already, miss walking from the train to the rehearsal hall with Starbucks and following the everyday routine that we developed during the twelve days of the show. We got rained out once and ended up having a movie night, and we had a lead biff it on the stairs mid-show and the understudy had to step in for the last act and the last show, but all in all it was great. I even have fond memories of putting the stage together the morning before the dress rehearsal, and the mosquitos and the coffee the producers brought us, and how hot it got by noon that we had to take a break and get some food and drink.
Most of all though, I miss the people. It takes a lot to not befriend the people you spend everyday with, and especially if you share the same interests and sense of humour, so without some of those people, I just feel like a part of me is missing, as sentimental as that may sound. See, when school ended and I graduated, I figured there was no point in being sad if I still got to spend another month or so with all my best friends, working on the show, but now that's over too and it really has time to sink in, how close I am to moving and starting a whole new chapter of my life.
I'm terrified but incredibly excited, and I know it's going to be awesome (and it had better meet my expectations). My room is slowly getting cleaned out because even though it'll remain mine, my parents insisted on a deep cleaning. So I've gotten rid of a crapload of clothes and books and various doodads that I've accumulated over the past five years of living in this house, and now my room looks a little empty, but somehow I like it even more now. I enjoyed the clutter but I enjoy this a bit more.
Aaaanyways, I'm moving on the 4th of September, and classes start on the 8th. I have a crapload to do before then, including a goodbye party my parents are throwing me (which my ex-best friend will attend. Awesome.) and I'm super psyched.
The sky looks pissed,
The wind talks back,
My bones are shifting in my skin,
And you, my love, are gone.
My room feels wrong,
The bed won't fit,
I cannot seem to operate,
And you, my love, are gone.
So glide away on soapy heels,
And promise not to promise anymore.
And if you come around again,
Then I will take the chain from off the door.
- tunes:The Chain, Ingrid Michaelson
These past few days have not been kind. I've received quite a bit of bad news on top of the fact that I got into a fight with a friend of mine and that two of my best friends are having a hard time. Having to be at Stock at 4 everyday isn't one bit helpful to that, though it's good that I get to be around hilarious people. What I mean is, I hate being there until I warm up to the idea of being there and then things are enjoyable. The show is coming along well, though there is still something about it that bores me. It's so old, I think, that a lot of elements within it that make it a classic have just been over-used and now it's just cliche. Although I do have to admit that a majority of the cast are incredibly talented. I was singing to myself today and one of the leads who was sitting next to me commented that I have a nice voice, which led to her admitting to me that she has had no vocal training. It was surprising, since she is incredibly talented (and also hilarious and kind, but that's another story) but not in an obnoxious way. I told her she has a crapload of natural talent.
I have to say, I enjoy being in production more than I enjoy being in the cast. The production team is a different group, a different atmosphere away from a lot of the people I strongly dislike or can't tolerate, so it's good for my judgmental personality.
In other news, all the girls in the show are having a sleepover tomorrow night and tomorrow morning, four of us are going grocery shopping for it, so that'll be an adventure.
I think that's it. I saw Eclipse last week, and it was, as expected, a major clusterfuck. I recommend seeing the A-Team, however, because Bradley Cooper is a fox.
That is all.
THIS IS THE BEST ICON EVER AND HE HAS THE BEST EXPRESSIONS EVER AND I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS.
(bold font indicates my future lovers)
Jensen Ackles is the star of Supernatural in which Cory Monteith briefly guest-starred before joining Mark Salling on Glee along with Lea Michele who starred alongside John Gallagher Jr. in Spring Awakening, before Gallagher began working on American Idiot: The Musical with Stark Sands whose co-star on Generation Kill was Alexander Skarsgard. Incidentally, Stark Sands and Josh Radnor both guest-starred on Six Feet Under which starred David Krause and Michael C. Hall, while Radnor is now the lead on How I Met Your Mother alongside co-star Neil Patrick Harris who worked on Dr Horrible with Joss Whedon whose Buffy the Vampire Slayer starred James Marsters.
Oh god, this is the best.
So I was having a good ol' thinky time, which I've never actually expressed, but of which I have a lot. A lot. I consider everything and contemplate my various relationships and categorize people and theorize about things and hypothesize about others and what have you, and then I tell myself stories and discuss various themes. I chalk it up to the fact that I'm an only child, and there's a limit to how much brainless web-surfing, song-singing, book-reading, TV-watching time you can have in a day, so there are times where I just sit and drink coffee and stare out my window, like they do in movies while the audience ponders why the main character didn't return the kiss/break the kiss/deepen the kiss (kissing being the hypothetical plot point here, unless you're watching a Nicholas Sparks movie in which case it is the actual plot point). Point of this rant being; I was thinking about themes in stories, stories that I tend to enjoy as opposed to ones that I read a page of and immediately dismiss because something doesn't strike a chord with me, which made me think about what does strike a chord with me, and I realized I love friendship. Not as in, 'Oh I love having friends and making friends and let's all be friends forever and ever', but more in the way that I love watching characters be friends and value their friends and make sacrifices for friends and love love love it's all about love. My mind is a happy meadow filled with sunshine and bunnies being friends.
(And as an extension of the friendship thing is the trust thing.)
It's what makes me watch Generation Kill over and over because even though they're soldiers and they're fucked nine ways to hell fighting in Iraq and Walt shoots a man and spends days sulking, Ray invades his personal space and comforts him through a mouthful of ravioli and Walt smiles for the first time in ages. And even though Nate beats himself up over the fact that he can't protect his men and he has to give them orders that endanger them because it's his job, Brad looks him in the eye and tells him that he trusts him.
It's what I adore about True Blood, because while Eric hits on Sookie incessantly and she rejects him, she still calmly tells him that she trusts him with her life and it hits Eric like a ton o' bricks. Because he trusts her and she trusts him and they hate each other but love each other and depend on each other and let each other down even though they both know exactly who they will run to if there's a bomb in the building and it's gonna blow. So even though there's love, before that there was friendship and trust.
And it's what makes Dean and Sam so freaking touching in Supernatural because they bitch and moan and play pranks on each other because, fuck, they're on the road with each other all the time and they fuck up and they yell and get frustrated and sometimes even walk away, but Dean still sacrifices himself for Sam and Sam falls apart without Dean, so even though they have to be brothers, they choose to be best friends and even while the show's going to hell, their dynamic still gets me hooked.
And that's only three examples.
What I'm saying is, you can't really go wrong with friendship. It's the underrated relationship, not romance and not family, but a bit of both mixed together. And when I say it's underrated, it's not just in works of fiction, it's in life too. And maybe I'm about to go off on a tangent, but family is there and you love your parents and occasionally your siblings, and maybe you're in love too and you have that special someone that gets your heart beating, but friendship is the one relationship that gets taken for granted most often, I feel.
Anyways. Back to what I started with, and there was no actual point to it, other than just to say that I love stories with friendship as a prominent theme.
And now for some sleepy time.
I realized that I haven't posted anything worth considering in a long, long time, so I guess I should briefly run through my... month?
Our grad ceremony and banquet were on Wednesday, and it was all incredibly wonderful. Wednesday morning we had to be there early, so we got there and put on robes and caps, and then a few of us sat around talking before we had to line up alphabetically to enter the gym for the ceremony, and as we were we passed Mrs Miller (my math teacher) and she blew me a kiss which was somehow so touching. It made me very happy though. Anyways, we sat down alphabetically and the guy sitting beside me was someone I know distantly because he likes my good friend and was taking her to the banquet, but we sort of hit it off and he's a pretty cool guy (I'm sad, in hindsight, because I could have become friends with him two years ago but no). There were speeches and then we all crossed the stage, and then we'd have to walk clear around the entirety of the gym to get to our seats which were right by the stage, opposite from the place where we got off the stage. My walk was interrupted when two of my friends' mothers jumped up to hug me (more emotional overload) and then we were back to sitting and there were more speeches, followed by hugging and photos and cap-tossing and photos and hugging. My mom and I went out for lunch after, and then shopping, and then I had to go get my hair done (my streak is turquoise and it looks so good) before meeting my friends at one of their houses so we could all drive there in my friend's mom's Escalade. I had a blast in the car ride, for no reason at all, and the banquet itself was so incredible. So many fantastic speeches and so much dancing and fun was had. At one point I went over to wish Mrs Miller a happy birthday and she followed me back to my table where she could meet my family, and she just said the sweetest things and ended with "Okay, I'm going to have to stop now before I cry" and and and just AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I will miss her so much. So much.
I will miss everybody, even though school isn't over yet and there are still diploma exams (this is something that is different from schools in the US, as I understand: we have our grad before finals and even before school ends, as opposed to after which would make more sense, I think).
Anyways, there's that. Oh, ha, my clutch and nail polish and hair streak were all the EXACT same shade of turquoise; it was a little mind-blowing but so happy-making.
Oh yeah, and then there was after-grad which was also incredibly fun, as was the drive to after-grad. There's so much that happened and so much laughter and jokes and happiness; I can't possibly write it all down here. Suffice it to say that it really was the best night of my life (so far).
In other news, I am terrified about finals. Terrified.
In other, other news, TRUE BLOOD IN EXACTLY SEVEN DAYS, except I can't watch it because I have my English final on the following Monday morning =[
Today we had rehearsal, but the girls could leave early so a bunch of us decided to go to Starbucks in three different cars, and the car I was in got monumentally lost and we had to go back twice and then we took wrong turns and in the process, we laughed so hard my stomach still aches. Hence, I'm in a happy mood right now.
But that's it for now, I think.